Twilight: Reimagined Indeed.

So I'm going to be totally up front with you, gentle reader.

I'm a Twilight fan.

No, I didn't scream when Edward appeared in each film. No, I didn't write any fan fiction. No, I don't have any Twilight tattoos.

But I have a long and unique history with the series, and I want to talk about it a little bit.

Let me begin by acknowledging that these aren't particularly good books. The prose is terrible (17-year-old narrators are boring), the themes are half-baked, the plot structure leaves a whole lot to be desired. The books manage to be both conservative and liberal, racy and chaste, religious and sacrilegious. Natalie Wilson wrote an intriguing blog and book on the many contradictions in the texts.

There are three major redeeming qualities in the books/movies for me. Well, maybe four:

1) The disregard for traditional vampire mythos. I LOVE that Stephenie Meyer chose to rewrite how vampires are made, how they live, how they look, how they sleep (or rather, don't sleep), and especially how they love. The stuffy rules of nighttime only, grotesque fangs, aversion to garlic, etc. are completely rewritten. That was a bold choice, and if I had to be any kind of vampire, I'd choose Meyer's kind over Stoker's kind any day.

2) I genuinely respond to Bella and Edward's love story. I really do. I love that his first impulse is to kill her, and that he's able to choke it back. I love that she is drawn to him and completely ignores other suitors. I love their weird, adversarial courtship and their declarations of affection and fear in that damn meadow. I love that things don't go the way they expected, and somehow they still get their little piece of forever. Is he a bit of a stalker? Yeah, and if he was a human that shit might be weird, but he's superhuman and sexy as hell so he gets a pass. Is she an idiot for loving something that could kill her in a heartbeat? Yeah, but people have those kinds of relationships with drugs, alcohol, driving fast, and a million other dangerous obsessions...I'd say a sparkly vampire is as good a vice as any.

3) The movie version of "Eclipse" did a better job explaining this than Meyer ever did, but this story isn't a love story. It's a coming-of-age story with a love story in it. Something that a lot of critics refuse to acknowledge is how hard Bella fought to become the best version of herself. Yes, it was a version of herself with Edward, and yes, it was a version of herself as a vampire. But that's what she wanted, and it's the version of herself that felt right. When I think about how I want to be like Bella, it isn't because of her hubby or her vampy powers. It's because she has discovered the person who she has always wanted to be. I wish we were all so lucky.

4) Have you guys heard the soundtracks of these films? Damn. Florence and the Machine, Paramore, The Belle Brigade, OK GO, St. Vincent, Iron and Wine, The Black Keys...there is so much talent in the soundtracks! Music is a vital part of the books, as well as the films, and every director brought a unique musical sensibility to their work. You can hate the story and disagree with me on the interpretation of the text, but there's no getting around how fantastic the music is.

But here's the thing: on the tenth anniversary of Twilight's release, in response to critiques that Bella is too passive and falls into the worst representations of women in decades, Stephenie Meyer decided to release a "Reimagined" version of the Twilight tale. Only this time, NINETY-FIVE PERCENT OF THE CHARACTERS' GENDERS WERE REVERSED.

Meyer hoped to reinforce the point that Bella wasn't weak because she was a girl; she was weak because she was surrounded by superhuman characters.

It's an argument I've made myself.

So I got a copy on audiobook and checked it out.

Many things were familiar. Beau was a bookish teen who loved his mom but moved in with his dad to make his mom's life easier. His dad, Charlie, was the sheriff of Forks. School mates immediately befriended him and flirted with him, and a strange family of students sat apart from everyone else in the lunchroom, piquing his curiosity. The mysterious Edythe seemed repulsed, disappeared for weeks, returned, saved his life, and then treated him with equal parts begrudging irritation and coy fascination.

And then they fell in love.

But - SPOILER ALERT - here's where Meyer lost my support: she rewrote the ending of the first book. Instead of being saved by Edythe, Beau receives a bite from the tracker vampire, and it's too late to get the venom out of his system. So Edythe gives him a choice. Die, or become a vampire. He chooses the latter.

I actually loved this ending, and would have preferred if Bella had been given the same option. It would have saved her (and Twilight readers) from nearly THREE FULL BOOKS of emotional drama, love triangle bullshit, and one very gruesome birth scene.

But Bella didn't get the same choice that Beau got. She had to wear Edward down, book after book. She had to suffer through his absence in New Moon, suffer through his abstinence in Eclipse, and suffer through childbirth in Breaking Dawn. That's a pretty far cry from Meyer's alleged intentions with the gender switcheroo.

The main lesson I have come away from this series with has been an unexpected one: women suffer more. They're denied choices that men are given. They have to fight harder to get what they want. They have to endure when men would surrender. And even though that sucks, and it isn't fair, and it isn't what the author intended to teach me...it's an empowering message. I'm a woman. I can stand the pain. I can stand the heartache. I can stand the labor. And one day, I will dazzle you.

Suck it, Lestat.